Control

We had planned on having Morgan stay with my parents a few nights at some point this summer and it worked out that we wouldn’t have daycare this past week so she has been in Sioux Falls all this week. It was much needed from all sides! She was excited to go, I was excited for a few quite nights and a chance to get some projects/cleaning done and go on a date with Matt. The past month we have been talking about what is our vision as a family, what are our goals as a family and I have personally been trying understand and figure out what my purpose and passions are. God has put Matt in an amazing position at Brookings Wesleyan Church giving him a chance to do what he is best at, when we were going through the journey to get to this point I told him once you know what God wants you to be doing it will be easier for me to know what I need to be doing, well I am still searching for it and it is long overdue.

I think I have been pushing it off and also pushing my faith on Matt and riding his faith saying my faith is strong as well. I came across this blog post-Fully Alive and feel like there are points of this that really stand out to me. 

Because I also have that need to want to have control over everything,

 I want to have everything in place, know what are plans are today tomorrow, 3 weeks, 5 months etc. I know it is not possible but I still want it!  How do you give up that control to God? I can read and read but the actions and truly pouring my heart into God daily is the difficult part for me. I try but I put cleaning before God and that is truly where I fall short. I need to give him more credit, that he can take care of it all. 

What would my stress look like if I put God before cleaning and everything?

From that blog one of the verses that stands out is from 2 Corinthians 12:9-10  “But he said to me, “My Grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 

10 For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.   

The bolded part is what stood out to me For the sake of Christ I am content when I am week, when I am insulted, when I fall upon hardships, when I feel defeated.  Matt left Wednesday night for a trip camping with the boys and I took Friday off to just enjoy a day. I have been so excited about this for about a month, knowing that I put this time off way too often. I had the perfect plan in place to get some quite time and actually think about our family goals and my personal goals. But I think I had some extra lessons that needed to be learned before I could get to that point.

Bare with me as I go through these few situations:

I was super excited to make mac and cheese for super Thursday night…..I didn’t have milk (annoying!).

My plan was to relax in my hammock most the day but for some reason I wasn’t up to it (super odd) so I decided to clean, rearrange the living room, realized I can’t have it the way I put it (disappointing!).

Vacuumed a ton and got to the stairs and it started to smell like I had been using it to long (grrr!)

Went to Wal-Mart today to get my allergy medicine I had 1 pill left so I planned to run into town just for that…nope can’t get them till tomorrow(dang laws, really discouraging!)

finally decided that I was ready to relax in the hammock went to get in it and the rope BROKE! (DEFEATED!)

That verse stood out before my Wal-Mart trip – boy is it standing out now!!! I need to let God be in control, I need to be content with hardships, weakness etc. I held it together until Wal-Mart told me I couldn’t have any more allergy medicine, but after the hammock string broke I felt like the night was over and my time to focus on my goals, purpose and passions was gone and I didn’t know the next time I would have a chance to think about it. After looking at the verse again….my heart is healed. My mind is clear I can think about it again. 

I have a HUGE issue with everything needing to be in place before I can have time with God. 

What I am realizing is that I am asking the whole world to stop, my house to be spotless, perfect drivers around me, my gas pump open when I need gas etc. you get the picture. Today has made it clear that I need to just be able to shut it off, the world won’t stop, my house won’t ever be spotless, some driver is bound to annoy me and it’s not my gas pump, there are 3 other pumps I can use!

Giving God full control can give me the peace I need to not worry so much to enjoy life a little more and also I think finding my purpose and passions will come easier. The lady in the blog mentioned 

"its only through a daily remembrance of what He has already done for me that is my only hope to continue experiencing His freedom. His power is True. And he is Growing me." 

Matt has a daily prayer or tries to get out to the 'garden' to get some time with God, but as a working Mom, wife, child of God i need to find that time in a to-go-box. Please pray for me though this journey and i will be praying for my friends that they can find this peace, this freedom that God does have to offer....

as long as we can give up one thing..CONTROL.